Category: philosophy/religion topics
This was something I posted in my own blog, but I thought it might be amusing to some folks. So yeah, why are people writing to the Christian god on Facebook? Read on, unless you can't stand a little humor and irreverence.
So, let me pick apart one of these armchair activist, cut-and-paste things that's all over Facebook, and this time, I'm going to try my best to offer up commentary in the voice of what I think might be the Christian American god himself, or itself. Let's first throw you the original mix.
Hi God, it's me. We are getting older and things are getting bad here. Gas prices are too high, no jobs, food and heating costs too high. I know some have taken you out of our schools, government & even Christmas, but God I'm asking you to come back and re-bless America. We really need you! There are more of us who want you than those who don't! Thank You!!
Re-Post if you're feeling the ''NEED''~♥~
Now, here's the extended mix for your dancing, dining, laughing and contemplating pleasure.
Hi God,
And hi to you, little trailhand.
it's me.
I know. By the way, wouldn't this be more effective if it were not posted on Facebook. Heaven has no internet, so I actually can't read this on Facebook, nor can I Like this, comment, or engage in the cut-and-paste acrobatics for which this piece has been written. Now, what is it you want? You want something from me, don't you?
We are getting older and things are getting bad here.
OK, first two things right out of the gate. Getting older is a feature I have built into your hardware and software for a very good reason. Please try to appreciate this. As for things being bad down there, which period in your history exactly are you comparing said bad times to?
Gas prices are too high, no jobs, food and heating costs too high.
Yes, my child, but I'm a little puzzled as to how I'm involved in this? These things happen all the time in your economies and in your political climates. How am I involved in your mess?
I know some have taken you out of our schools,
Hold on just one second there, little trailhand. If I am a god and am everywhere as you understand the nature of the sort of creature called a god, how can you take me out of anything? If I am everywhere how can any one human or all of them take me out of a school? People are not supposed to be worshipping me in school anyhow unless the school is part of one of my many churches.
government & even Christmas,
My child, that's really a broad and unfair accusation. First of all, as an American, you wrote documents specifying that your government is not supposed to favor any religion as an official one, so having me in government would mean breaking your own policies. As for Christmas, that's really pushing it too far, pard, and I'm getting a little riled up about that. Any of your leaders who believes there is any effort to take me out of one of your holidays are only wanting to influence you and give you a false sense of persecution. The way your society works, it seems those who follow me are in the majority, and with majority comes certain privileges. Do not whip out that persecution card on me ever ever again. I mean it.
but God I'm asking you to come back and re-bless America.
Would you please tell me exactly who is telling you these unfounded lies about my feelings and my nature? You must be one of my children who unfortunately is not so bright. Let's go over this again. I am everywhere. This means I can never leave. I can also not un-bless anything, although to be honest, the things you are going through are not a product of me supposedly un-blessing you. I am God. I do not recognize or favor your politics. This includes political parties and ideologies and this also includes your borders. I think it's all well and good that you need me, but what exactly were you wanting me to do? Again, these things that are happening to you are your domain, not mine. I create and maintain universes, I do not make sure everyone's economy is in good shape or that kids in schools are performing rituals in my honor. This is strictly out of bounds for me as that's free will territory.
We really need you!
Yes, you do seem to need me, which makes me glad, but I'm still puzzled as to why you think I have control over these things. And to think, somebody duped you into thinking I can just disappear from parts of my own domain. Do your father a big favor? Tell me exactly who's spreading these lies about me? Didn't I tell you I was angry and jealous? Well, I'm getting rightly pissed and although perhaps I shouldn't get involved, maybe visitting a nice plague on the original author and their family will possibly set them straight. If they want un-blessing, they'll get it in spades!
There are more of us who want you than those who don't!
Um, thank you for sharing. This is really not a numbers game. You were told centuries ago to evangelize and you did.
Thank You!!
You're very welcome, little pard. See you later, alligator. After a while, crocodile. Don't forget to write.
Re-Post if you're feeling the ''NEED''~♥~
Oh, wait just a minute, young grasshopper. Another small favor if I may? Please do not repost this. I told you it is full of lies and assumptions about my nature and your society which are not true. This is part of why times are difficult on your planet, because people are spreading lies claiming they are truth. Now, excuse me, I'm a little cranky and need to go repair to my god-cave for a little ambrosia and nectar. Mrs. God makes the best ambrosia and nectar!
wow. Love this! It seems common sense to me, but apparently not to some. and, thanks for the laugh. I needed that.
Lord! Help us all.
Made me laugh. Lol
Silly question, but I'm asking because I don't use or have a Facebook, but has someone created God a page? Smile.
Answer to last post, I think there are pages dedicated to ideas but not sure if there is in fact a God page.
I guess God may or may not care about this part: but reposting is a waste of bandwidth and server space, to say nothing of cluttering up other people's news feeds, and perhaps getting yourself blocked or unfriended for being relentlessly annoying. People who post one of these things tend to do it like Pringles: You can't have just one.
Sometimes I do think forwarding/reposting is a compulsion, like gambling. I also think although many people love sending them, they hate receiving them.
Okay, so does God have a Twitter too? Talk about quick replies. Smile.
Hahahaha, thanks for the laugh. This should be up on the joke board.
God should totally social network. it'd kind of be like how Bruce Allmighty created an email account to answer all prayers lol.
Have I mentioned that I hate facebook? lol.
It just gives people a platform to spout stuff without having to be accountable to their views.
Every time I voice disagreement to the little sermons or the "helpful advice" or the political views, I am greeted with a polite but vague smile and told that I am loved but facebook is not a good venue for such discussions...
Then why the heck did the person raise the discussion?
Simple. Just to hear their own side of it again. lol.
Kim
People want to feel as if they're doing the most amount of good by putting forth the least amount of effort. The feeling of having maybe done something is more important than actually doing anything. That's armchair activism for ya. People will pass along fake virus warnings because what if they were true, and they're saving people. LOL!
Her, Tim, her.
Ah yes, Bruce Almighty's Prayers by Email. That was after he tried to silence the voices by converting them first into Prayer files in file cabinets the way the original God did, and then as Postit notes. LOL this second obviously wasn't a good idea!
Post 10 yes sir, I'm with ya there.
And, they fill these with smiley faces and other emoticons to try and soften people up, or turn off some of us, I gues.
I can see both sides, the christians does say that he's present everywhere, sees all your actions, knows all your troubles, can see your thoughts, and if you post you might seem more loyal to him just as pushing your religion down someone's throat is I guess, and also to share there fanatical love with there friends?